Parashat Vayeitzei 5784

Parashat Vayeitzei was my bat mitzvah portion, and while I remember chanting the Haftarah on Friday night and reading a speech I wrote (with lots of my father’s help!) about it, it wasn’t until AJR’s retreat where we explored this parashah through song, dance, art, intensive study and more that I realized how special it was, and how it spoke to me personally.

While I’m pretty sure the Holy Blessed One has never spoken to me in a dream, I definitely have my share of vivid, intense and involved dreams. Sometimes, I can glean a message from a dream. Sometimes I feel comforted by my parents, of blessed memory, showing up. Other times, I’m aware that my dreams express anxiety, often about upcoming clergy-intense holidays like Yom Kippur and Passover.

I’ve never woken up from a dream compelled to make a vow to God, and vows, both Jacob’s and Adonai’s, figure significantly in this parashah.

The Torah, the Talmud and other sacred and rabbinic writings take the concept of vows quite seriously. A vow is meant to be fulfilled as soon as possible after making it, lest something happen in the meantime to prevent its fulfillment. Bli neder, “without a vow” is a common Hebrew phrase when agreeing to do something, and with good reason. It reminds us that we’re not in control; the calf set aside for a sacrificial offering runs away or gets eaten by a wolf, there’s a tractor-trailer stuck under the overpass, things like that.

And, the longer we wait between the time we make a promise and the time we actually make good on it, the greater the chance that we might forget, change our minds, or decide we made that vow under duress, and does God–or the other person–even remember?

In this week’s parashah, Vayeitzei, our patriarch Jacob is leaving his home because his brother, Esau, has vowed to kill him for stealing his birthright and blessing. While the text doesn’t use the word neder, it’s clear that Esau’s comment, “Let the mourning period for my father come, and I will kill my brother Jacob,” (Gen. 27:41) is a vow, even if he only said to himself. Luckily, by waiting, he has 20 years to cool off.

One of the most famous stories in the Torah, Jacob’s Ladder, comes from Vayeitzei. While on his way to his Uncle Lavan in Haran, Jacob stops for the night and goes to sleep. In his dream, he sees angels going up and coming down a ladder. Midrash Bereshit Rabbah sees this coming and going as a biblical relay, a changing of the guard, so to speak. The malakhim who had been accompanying Jacob so far returned to heaven, as they weren’t allowed to leave the land of Israel. Other angels, who would accompany him on the next part of his journey, descended.

In this dream, Adonai is standing next to Jacob, reiterating the promise made to Abraham and promising to protect Jacob until he returns to his ancestral home (28:15). When Jacob awakens and realizes he had an encounter with the Divine, he names the site Bethel and sets up a pillar, a matzevah. In between these two verses, he makes a vow, “If God remains with me, protecting me on this journey that I am making, and giving me bread to eat and clothing to wear, and I return safe to my father’s house, Adonai shall be my God.” (28:19-21)

There are those, including some of our commentators, who see Jacob as having the audacity to put conditions on his relationship with the Holy One. After all, who is Jacob to be setting the terms? How dare he? To me, Jacob is acknowledging what God has promised him, although in different words, and agreeing that if God holds up God’s end of the bargain, so will he.

It’s easy to forget, in this part of the text, that Jacob was on a “mitzvah mission,” having been sent by his father to find himself a proper wife. Hizkuni, the 13^th century commentator, says that Jacob needn’t have been worried about protection, because being on a mitzvah mission offered protection in and of itself. However, Jacob was concerned that on his path, he might commit a sin that would cause him to lose that protection. Hizkuni also tells us that he made this vow from a place of despair, and that “we are to learn from this that in such circumstances God even welcomes a vow, as it is proof that the person making it has turned to God for help.” And Devarim 10:18 reinforces this, reminding us that God “upholds the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and befriends the stranger, providing food and clothing.”

It is through his dream that Jacob realizes that he is in a covenantal partnership with God, and continues with his mission, arriving at the well where he’ll meet Rachel and events will be set in motion. Jacob has no idea what will happen next (and perhaps neither does God) but he can move forward with confidence knowing that God is with him.
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Rabbi Susan Elkodsi (AJR ’15) is the spiritual leader of the Malverne Jewish Center in NY and is immediate past president of the Long Island Board of Rabbis. Her writing has appeared on JewishSacredAging.com, and she has presented workshops for Limmud, NY, for AJR and in the community, and her book, Midrash HaZaK: Torah Wisdom by 70 Over 70 (but who’s counting), an anthology of divrei torah for older adults, will soon IY”H be published. Susan is passionate about helping Baby Boomers and older adults to find meaning and purpose in their lives within the context of Jewish tradition and teachings, and as part of a Jewish community. You can find her work on her website, www.babyboomerrabbi.com. In addition, she loves to knit, spin and weave, and she and her husband David recently added kittens Tiggr and Midnight to their family.